Are we there yet?
Sometimes it is the journey that is as important as the final destination. How often do we take the time to reflect on how we got to where we are now?
Are we there yet? The constant refrain from the backseat of the car. The stuff of nightmares for parents everywhere. I remember our holidays as children sitting in the back seat of the Holden Kingswood station wagon as we drove to far-flung places around Australia, my siblings and I nagging mum and dad. Are we there yet? Because as a child, it was the destination that was important – whether it was the beaches in Cairns, the magnificence of Uluru or catching up with cousins – getting there was the key. The journey always seemed to get in the way. And as a parent now, having sat through the same scenario countless times with my own children, I am mindfully aware of the angst we caused our parents. But it’s worth reflecting on why it is that we spend so much time focused on the destination and not on the journey?
This is a good example of the Arrival Fallacy – the idea that we focus on some event in the future, and when we get there, we will be happy. It is the holiday experience at the end of a long road trip that will bring us joy. Or perhaps more importantly, it is the achievement of a work or life related goal - graduating from university or getting a promotion at work - that will make us happy. But that happiness can be fleeting, because once we arrive at our destination, there is a tendency to immediately set a new goal to focus on. Which means that we don’t take the time to revel in the moment. Our success is fleeting as we move on to the next goal, and then the next one after that.
Think of the path for many health professionals.
Get high marks in high school – tick.
Get into university – tick.
Complete your health degree and register as a health professional – tick.
At every step along the way, we have achieved something monumental. Something worth celebrating. But do we really take the time to do that, or are we too future focused. Once we start work, there are new goals – buy a house, pay off student loans, start a practice. We convince ourselves that we will be happy and content when we reach that next goal. But for many people, that’s not always the case. And perhaps it’s one of the reasons that we see burnout so prevalent amongst health professionals. Always striving to reach a future goal, without taking the time in the present to recognise our successes.
Last year I decided, as a very late convert to running, that I would enter a half marathon. I had never run that far in my life, and 21 km seemed to be at the outer reach of my limits. I trained hard and set myself a goal of not only finishing, but also running in under 2 hours. And although I finished, my time of 2:03 hours left me a little disappointed. I had achieved my main goal of completing the run, but missing out on the time I wanted made me immediately think of the next goal.
So this year I set out to run another half marathon and try again to achieve that time goal. This time I succeeded, finishing the Run Melbourne half marathon in 1:54.35. As I crossed the line (feeling somewhat surprised at my time), my mind wandered to thoughts of the next event. Could I go faster? I quickly pulled myself back to the present to focus on this achievement, and to live in the moment. To celebrate not only the destination, but also the journey. The hundreds of kilometres of training in the cold, dark and often rainy Melbourne mornings. Overcoming the niggling injuries. I made sure that I spent time in the present. And even now, looking at the photo, I make sure that I celebrate the journey that led to the success, and not think about the next event.
Health professionals are high achievers setting lofty goals, and we often look to successful people to model ourselves on, but there is an inherent survivorship bias in that approach. Every Olympian wants to win a gold medal, and they train hard to achieve that goal. But ultimately only one person stands on the podium. There are many more athletes that don’t make it to the games. But they all have the same goal. So if winners and losers all set and share the same goal, then it isn’t the goal that differentiates success. It’s the systems that they put in place to achieve that goal. It is the journey that gets them there. For that reason, we should consider that every Olympic athlete is a success story, as is every athlete who just falls short of qualifying.
There is a concern about goal setting and it’s impact on mental wellbeing and the ability to impede our happiness. A goal creates a win-lose mindset. We either achieve that goal and the success brings up happiness, or we fail to achieve that goal, which leaves us disappointed or unhappy. But there is also the never ending summit of achievement. When you achieve the goal, the mindset is to immediately set a new goal to achieve – because that’s the way our brains are wired. Run a fast time. Gain the next promotion. So we delay the happiness. And that poses a risk to our wellbeing. Constantly being in a drive state to achieve a result, without taking the time to rest and recover can cause us distress.
So remember to celebrate the journey along the way. Take the time to stop and smell the roses. Are we there yet? We will be eventually.